I am wired in such a way that causes me to be prone to highly value productivity. Multiple-tasking, checking completed tasks off my list, and focused, hard work, when combined into pa day, all mix together for what I automatically assumeto be a "good" day.
I have had to make a few adjustment with the arrivals of our kids. Things just take longer with them. But this is especially true with Jensen. He just turned 2 but already it is obvious that he is a quality time person. He simply wants to be with. And be close. Today I was doing some writing and he brought me his snow pants to put on five times, which meant that he brought them to me to take off also. I think it was his way of interacting with me, maybe trying to get me off the computer for a few minutes. He looks up, bats his 3 inch eye lashes and says "uhhhh."
Time takes on a new meaning with Jensen. He lives in a diffrent world of just being with. The only time that he seems to value is time together. And I think it is changing me. My drive to produce is tied to how I think God my Father values me: the more I produce the more value j have. I don't value Jensen because he can produce. I stop and put on his snow pants over and over because he is my son. No other reason is needed. He has more value to me because of that than could ever be gained through anything he produces. My time is his time.
Right now I write this as I watch him sleep. I wonder who he will grow up to be, what he will do tomorrow, what will make him giggle, and what will make him cry. All of this alters my life, changes my goals, and redefines what is important.
I wonder if Father looks down on me when I sleep and considers similar things about me. Does he imagine what I will grow up to be, what stirs my soul, what makes me laugh and cry. I've always thought that since he knows the number of hairs on my head that he would not waist time with hypothetical fatherish thoughts about me his son. I saw the information he knows about me to be more like that stored in a computer. I have viewed God as a data freak, but in no way do I think about my kids that way. They are too alive and dynamic to think of in that way. They seem to change too much for any computer to hold the information needed to capture who they are.
If I'm this way as a father ...
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
1 comment:
Scott - I am right there with you. Last night I was up in the wee hours of the night with our newborn son. We also have an almost-6- year old and a 3.5 year old. My use of time has been challenged very dramatically with children. It seems even more dramatic with the arrival of our third. I don't know if it was my upbringing and my relationship with my parents or if it's just human nature, but I have to make a conscious decision to shut my computer and engage with my children. Some days I tell myself that I better open my eyes because the days will slip out of my hands. My wife and I can't believe our girl is almost 6 and already showing signs of maturity (sassy attitude!) I already feel like she's slipping away. I am very fulfilled getting work done but my work will always be there waiting for me when my kids are grown up and gone.
What a difference our world would be if we dads spent our days looking for appointments to cancel and priorities to ignore in order to spend more time with our kids.
Ben
LifeInTheKingdom.com
BenChilcote.com
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