While you were gone

A Journal for When You Return

Where are you?
You left
You wanted more
I guess
I am confused
Everyday I ask How could I have loved you more?
What could I have done differently?
What more could I promise?

When you first left, I was so angry
At the voices
At the temptations
At the lure of "more"
Then I was depressed
Thoughts of you consumed my every day

No one understood me
They'd say "move on. He is getting what he deserves."
But they don't know what it means to be a father. At least a real one.
I promised
I don't care what they think of me
When travelers pass through I ask if they've seen you
Once one had, but he just lowered his head.
I wept
For how long I'm unsure.

What's that?
Can it be you?
Tears cloud my vision.
I'll go and see.
I've taken this walk so often and each time I meet someone else
But I can't give up hope
If it happens to be you, my friends will beat you for what you did
I must protect you
I must
I promised
Wow if that's you the grime has changed you
Your gate is now a stumble
Your wavy mane a wad
Your coat rags
But it could be you

I've been waiting so long
I'm tired
I promised
But I can't help but wait
Love compells me
I set you free out of love
I'll welcome you back in the same way
I'll wait here for you to pass

It might be you
Something familiar
Something I see still far off
I must go and see
You round a bend
I think
No it can't be
Yes ... Is it?
Can it be true?

I have to go but this garb I have to wear. I can't run.
I'll roll it up. Who cares what they think. They don't get me anyway. They want me to be like them, judgmental, ungracious, hard.
My promises make me different

Even if it's not you to love like this is so freeing so real
But I think it is
Run
Catch my breath
Run
I see you
Don't hide
Don't turn
There you are
Will you let me embrace you?
Can this time be different?
Will you let my promises restore you?
Oh if you could only see into my heart ...